Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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