I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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