Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
