You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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