Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
