Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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