i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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