I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
