WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
