I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
