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i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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