I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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