whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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