We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
