I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
