when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
