Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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