I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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