did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
