There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize