I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
