Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
