is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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