Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
