she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
