i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
high people should be assigned attendants
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
