Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
