Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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