I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
