ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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