Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
