The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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