I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
