you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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