phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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