If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
