Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
