my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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