My underwear smells like fireworks.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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