Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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