i would punch a child for taco bell
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
