You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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