Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
