Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
