just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
