so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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