I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
