I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
