break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
