I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
