if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
