i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
this hospital has no fireball
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
