Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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