I looked at my own cervix.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
