I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
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What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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