You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
