I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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