im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I forgot how hot balto sounded
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
