I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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