Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize