my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
