Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
