I want to have your abortion
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
