take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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