Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
