How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
