I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
