Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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