Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
