ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
