Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
