My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
