her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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