We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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