Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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