That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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